Mean Girls: Ten Ways to Not Go Mean

An idea came to me to address any younger readers who may need inspiration of sorts.

Here is a list of things to think about that may persuade a potential or practicing mean Girl who would like to go straight, ie: nice.
Note: This is not a prioritized list. It is a stream of suggestions from an Aunt.
Remember: your major goal should be balance in body, mind & spirit!

1. Before you leave for school, look at yourself in the mirror without make-up.
If you have been spending too much time "in the looking glass", then limit it to
only 3 times a day. Read the Greek myth of Narcissus- a cautionary tale.
If you have been wearing heavy mascara &/or eyeliner, try days without the
liner and maybe less mascara,(or the brown/black color). You may be
pleasantly surprised. This is your time of natural beauty. You are not competing
to be the proverbial "fairest in the land".

You should be striving to put your "best face forward", in every sense.


2. Look "inside" your heart to be in touch with your feelings.

If you hold negative feelings, then decide to purge them for good.

Jealousy, Envy, etc. should only be fleeting feelings. Let them go.


3. Respect yourself. Treat others with the same respect you would want
to be shown. "Others" are your family, friends, classmates,etc.-everyone.

Google "The Beatitudes" which may or not be familiar to you.
These could be spiritual words to live by, that you could follow
in your everyday life. No one is "perfect", true enough, but one can try.

4. Be aware of your voice and the words that come out of your mouth.
How you sound and how you carry your body speak volumes to the world.
Do you want to be seen as someone who would not be welcome in decent company?
As trite as it may sound, check out etiquette books for some basics.
Forget about those Hollywood bad girls. Choose your own positive role models.

5. Give up any idea that you are better or worse than anyone else. You are a
work in progress, a woman in the making. Think of yourself as trainee for the
best life you can make for yourself- one which does not come at the expense of
other people. If you don't have chores at home, ask your parents if they need help
with anything for the family. You may be surprised. If you have no college fund,
start one. Try to incorporate your interests/talents with economic rewards in
perspective: don't expect too much to soon. Everyone had to start somewhere.
Remember: you are not entitled, ie: "entitlement" attitude is nowhere.

6. Be nice to your parents & siblings, or at least, try to stay neutral.
Even if your brother is a total nerd, or the opposite, only say positive things
about him. Don't criticize him, or any family member, in front of your friend,or
worse yet, within earshot of strangers. Avoid unnecessary arguments, fights.
If your home life is not happy, or if there is abuse, even verbal abuse,
find a counselor you can talk with confidentially. You do not want to "inherit"
dysfunctional beliefs, attitudes or behaviors.

7. Join an alternate group- one involved with positive activities, ie:
Girl Scouts. Don't worry if something you like is not "cool" or acceptable
to your friends. There should always be room in your life for some new friends.

8. Learn a few skills that will help you long after you graduate: cooking, baking,
sewing- even if it is just learning the right ways to sew on buttons.
Nothing is worse than a college roommate who can't make a cup of cocoa or sew on
their own buttons! It will also impress your male friends & help save money
for other things. Be independent enough to take care of yourself.

9. Take stock of what is important to you. Do you spend too much time shopping?
Do you never wear the same thing twice? Do you already share clothing with a
younger sister or donate to the needy? Figure it out. If you have more than
20(?) pairs of shoes, then re-think what possessions are worth keeping.
Maybe you have no hardback books, an original piece of art, etc.?
Take a break in a different environment outside of school- think retreat.
If you haven't been to museums lately, then go. Take a friend, or go alone.
Do you spend more time on the cell, texting, internetFacebook than face-to-face with
people? If you do, then limit it. Don't harass or post harrassing messages to
anyone. Just don't do it. Forget about nasty phone calls, too.


10.Write your own list of goals other than homework, college. If you have a
boyfriend, make sure he is a good guy, not a mean guy who may turn on you.
If you are a positive person, the negative ones will not want to stay around
you for too long. This will be a good thing- a new outlook!

Phoebe Prince case news in National Child Abuse Prevention Month

The month of April brings April showers, spring flowers, and tax time.
April is also National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Perhaps the recent news of Phoebe Prince, now the poster girl re: bullying, will help keep child abuse prevention on the public radar, if not its conscience and everyday awareness. This case is a "Call For Action."
In case anyone has not been following the case, it has all the makings of a fairy tale from the dark side.
Phoebe Prince, 15, native of Ireland, was the new girl at South Hadley High School in Hadley, MA. She was pretty and personable enough to start dating a popular senior football player
in her first freshman weeks. Little did she know, by dating this guy, she was incurring the wrath of his on and off again sophomore girlfriend and her equally mean friends.
The American welcome Phoebe's parents had wished for her would never be realized.
The American experience forced on Phoebe was beyond mere bullying. It was criminal.
Her American welcome did not materialize. Instead, she was
singled out by a group of extreme "Mean Girls" (and ultimately two "Tough Guys") for uber-harassment. But unfortunately, the actions of these lovelorn, misguided teenagers were met with inaction from "numerous faculty members, staff members, and administrators" who "were aware or witnessed physical abuse", according to criminal complaints filed in Juvenile Court by case prosecutor Elizabeth Dunphy Farris.
After months of complaints that the bullies involved were not being punished, the charges are sweeping including "statutory rape, violation of civil rights with bodily injury, criminal harassment and stalking." For more disturbing details, go to http://www.masslive.com/.
Other elements in the case are also particularly disheartening. There are two male students involved and charged, so much for positive peer intervention. Sometimes an opinion from the other gender can be a sounding board of reason.
The torment of Phoebe lasted three months before she sadly chose suicide on January 14.
The tormentors had not missed a beat: text messages, used online social networks, etc. (enough to impress any marketing firm), including Craiglist, Facebook, Twitter. Of course, the "traditional" methods of bullying were also in their arsenal, with unrelenting verbal attacks, stalking their prey.
The accused mean girls declared (in writing) their mission "accomplished" after
learning of Phoebe's death. The entire school it would seem is desensitized- only recently holding a candlelight vigil, after the tragedy became national news.
Accounts of the unrelenting verbal attacks, even in the school library and cafeteria, on her walk home- attest there was no peace for Phoebe.