Mean Girls: Ten Ways to Not Go Mean

An idea came to me to address any younger readers who may need inspiration of sorts.

Here is a list of things to think about that may persuade a potential or practicing mean Girl who would like to go straight, ie: nice.
Note: This is not a prioritized list. It is a stream of suggestions from an Aunt.
Remember: your major goal should be balance in body, mind & spirit!

1. Before you leave for school, look at yourself in the mirror without make-up.
If you have been spending too much time "in the looking glass", then limit it to
only 3 times a day. Read the Greek myth of Narcissus- a cautionary tale.
If you have been wearing heavy mascara &/or eyeliner, try days without the
liner and maybe less mascara,(or the brown/black color). You may be
pleasantly surprised. This is your time of natural beauty. You are not competing
to be the proverbial "fairest in the land".

You should be striving to put your "best face forward", in every sense.


2. Look "inside" your heart to be in touch with your feelings.

If you hold negative feelings, then decide to purge them for good.

Jealousy, Envy, etc. should only be fleeting feelings. Let them go.


3. Respect yourself. Treat others with the same respect you would want
to be shown. "Others" are your family, friends, classmates,etc.-everyone.

Google "The Beatitudes" which may or not be familiar to you.
These could be spiritual words to live by, that you could follow
in your everyday life. No one is "perfect", true enough, but one can try.

4. Be aware of your voice and the words that come out of your mouth.
How you sound and how you carry your body speak volumes to the world.
Do you want to be seen as someone who would not be welcome in decent company?
As trite as it may sound, check out etiquette books for some basics.
Forget about those Hollywood bad girls. Choose your own positive role models.

5. Give up any idea that you are better or worse than anyone else. You are a
work in progress, a woman in the making. Think of yourself as trainee for the
best life you can make for yourself- one which does not come at the expense of
other people. If you don't have chores at home, ask your parents if they need help
with anything for the family. You may be surprised. If you have no college fund,
start one. Try to incorporate your interests/talents with economic rewards in
perspective: don't expect too much to soon. Everyone had to start somewhere.
Remember: you are not entitled, ie: "entitlement" attitude is nowhere.

6. Be nice to your parents & siblings, or at least, try to stay neutral.
Even if your brother is a total nerd, or the opposite, only say positive things
about him. Don't criticize him, or any family member, in front of your friend,or
worse yet, within earshot of strangers. Avoid unnecessary arguments, fights.
If your home life is not happy, or if there is abuse, even verbal abuse,
find a counselor you can talk with confidentially. You do not want to "inherit"
dysfunctional beliefs, attitudes or behaviors.

7. Join an alternate group- one involved with positive activities, ie:
Girl Scouts. Don't worry if something you like is not "cool" or acceptable
to your friends. There should always be room in your life for some new friends.

8. Learn a few skills that will help you long after you graduate: cooking, baking,
sewing- even if it is just learning the right ways to sew on buttons.
Nothing is worse than a college roommate who can't make a cup of cocoa or sew on
their own buttons! It will also impress your male friends & help save money
for other things. Be independent enough to take care of yourself.

9. Take stock of what is important to you. Do you spend too much time shopping?
Do you never wear the same thing twice? Do you already share clothing with a
younger sister or donate to the needy? Figure it out. If you have more than
20(?) pairs of shoes, then re-think what possessions are worth keeping.
Maybe you have no hardback books, an original piece of art, etc.?
Take a break in a different environment outside of school- think retreat.
If you haven't been to museums lately, then go. Take a friend, or go alone.
Do you spend more time on the cell, texting, internetFacebook than face-to-face with
people? If you do, then limit it. Don't harass or post harrassing messages to
anyone. Just don't do it. Forget about nasty phone calls, too.


10.Write your own list of goals other than homework, college. If you have a
boyfriend, make sure he is a good guy, not a mean guy who may turn on you.
If you are a positive person, the negative ones will not want to stay around
you for too long. This will be a good thing- a new outlook!

International Adoptions Recent News

The recent news regarding Russian adoptions comes as no surprise.
For the past three years, as a single woman, I have been looking into the prospect of adopting. If there was a word to describe it at this point, I would say it is a "minefield".
The first genuine horror story about international adoption follows.
At a reception at The British Embassy several years ago, one of the guests, (not a diplomat or British official, for the curious), told me her story. After going through the screening process, investing more than $ 30K, the adoption was a fraud.
The monies were lost. This happened even with recommended legal advice here in DC.
What goes on in the prospective adoptee's home country can be a mystery. After this
nightmare, the couple decided to re-group and go forward. They were able to re-invest (I use the word "invest" in respect as we are talking about children here, not commodities), with a different agency, lawyer, etc. were able to successfully adopt a Russian daughter. It struck me at the time, how dedicated this couple was- to be able to start all over with the process despite their initial financial and emotional loss.
Not long after, I started doing my own research on adoption in general, then international adoption specifically. It wasn't more than a few months into the process, during internet research, I found a promising agency. After going through photos of young children, I came upon one little girl who looked like she came straight out of one of my own family albums. We even had the same birthday. She was less than two years old, and was listed with an adoption agancy in one of the former Soviet countries.
The U.S. agency who sponsored the "ads" was a kind of "umbrella" agency, listing a variety of foreign adoption agencies.
Within a day of viewing the (above mentioned) listing, I emailed an inquiry as instructed on the site. It was not even 48 hours before I received an email response directing me to send $ 4k right away as the first of several large deposits.
It did not seem legitimate, as there was no letterhead or standard business letter format.
After having doubts, I contacted by email the U.S. listing agency.
My request to them was to check out the child's profile: age, health, personal history and if the foreign agency was indeed legitimate.
It did not take the U.S. agency more than a week to relay information to me.
Their news was disheartening: not only was their fraud involved, the child in question has been "adopted out" several times over. The U.S. agency declined to go into detail in writing, but they did write via email to advise me they had banned that foreign agency from their site and were taking steps to expose the fraud to the proper authorities.

Since that experience, I have seen the costs quoted for adoption to increase despite the U.S. economic downturn. The real cost of adoption now is closer to $50k, and that is without the cost of the home study, foreign travel, etc. Also the age restrictions are not in keeping with real life expectancies in the U.S.
It seems adoption has become out-of-reach financially for many would-be parent(s).
It is a shame, since the orphaned children are the ones who really lose out.

"To Each Her Own": Handbag: Private Property Please

With yesterday's post in mind, it may be appreciated by women (and a few men), to share some personal experiences with "mean girls".

It wasn't until I left private school to public middle school that I witnessed a girl who would use her fists for anything other than kneading dough. She was a classmate, I stayed clear. Thankfully, the school administrators intervened and put a stop to her violent behavior. Most of the students ostracized her for good reason.
Looking back, she had all the makings of a roller derby queen.

Phoebe Prince case news in National Child Abuse Prevention Month

The month of April brings April showers, spring flowers, and tax time.
April is also National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Perhaps the recent news of Phoebe Prince, now the poster girl re: bullying, will help keep child abuse prevention on the public radar, if not its conscience and everyday awareness. This case is a "Call For Action."
In case anyone has not been following the case, it has all the makings of a fairy tale from the dark side.
Phoebe Prince, 15, native of Ireland, was the new girl at South Hadley High School in Hadley, MA. She was pretty and personable enough to start dating a popular senior football player
in her first freshman weeks. Little did she know, by dating this guy, she was incurring the wrath of his on and off again sophomore girlfriend and her equally mean friends.
The American welcome Phoebe's parents had wished for her would never be realized.
The American experience forced on Phoebe was beyond mere bullying. It was criminal.
Her American welcome did not materialize. Instead, she was
singled out by a group of extreme "Mean Girls" (and ultimately two "Tough Guys") for uber-harassment. But unfortunately, the actions of these lovelorn, misguided teenagers were met with inaction from "numerous faculty members, staff members, and administrators" who "were aware or witnessed physical abuse", according to criminal complaints filed in Juvenile Court by case prosecutor Elizabeth Dunphy Farris.
After months of complaints that the bullies involved were not being punished, the charges are sweeping including "statutory rape, violation of civil rights with bodily injury, criminal harassment and stalking." For more disturbing details, go to http://www.masslive.com/.
Other elements in the case are also particularly disheartening. There are two male students involved and charged, so much for positive peer intervention. Sometimes an opinion from the other gender can be a sounding board of reason.
The torment of Phoebe lasted three months before she sadly chose suicide on January 14.
The tormentors had not missed a beat: text messages, used online social networks, etc. (enough to impress any marketing firm), including Craiglist, Facebook, Twitter. Of course, the "traditional" methods of bullying were also in their arsenal, with unrelenting verbal attacks, stalking their prey.
The accused mean girls declared (in writing) their mission "accomplished" after
learning of Phoebe's death. The entire school it would seem is desensitized- only recently holding a candlelight vigil, after the tragedy became national news.
Accounts of the unrelenting verbal attacks, even in the school library and cafeteria, on her walk home- attest there was no peace for Phoebe.

Call For Native DC Women: Black & White Hats

After days of heat, pollen....it's been raining here for hours.
Luckily, no fear of leaks, except that a chimney cap needs to be re-attached.
One of those two-story ladder, not a quick job. (Delegating the task to a professional chimney sweep.) Even Mary Poppins would let that one go. (It's that show coming to town.)

A windstorm in February lived up to its hype, taking down trees, the chimney cap, etc. Finally, a local gardener removed a fallen 30-foot long tree top. He needed a chain saw, but somehow used a small hand saw to get the job done. When there is a will...

Enough of trivia life updating.

If there are any native Washingtonian women interested in an alternative to the "Red Hat Ladies", please contact here. Not that I have any plans yet to retire, not by a longshot.
Those RH Ladies seem to be everywhere. But that color combination is just not working, despite its inspiration. That's my opinion. To each her own.
Please note: please no negative responses, please. If you love the RHL or are one, keep up with the red and the purple.
My personal color choice is black and white, more My Fair Lady style, but "simplified" in keeping with our times.

Most importantly, activities beyond social teas, museums trips, etc., will incorporate
volunteering and/or mentoring in the arts, for young ladies. Mission statement "on the boards" now.
There will be room for everyone, the more varied in experience the better.


Women in my family enjoy long lives. My mother started me with hats, which has grown to a collection narrowed down to about 25 in number. "To h--- with hat hair" could be my motto.
(I can let you in on tricks to deal with that issue.)
The vintage hatboxes, from the now defunct Raleighs, Jelleff's, Woodies, etc. have deteriorated after decades. Pretty hatboxes can be hard to resist.
Back to the point: there's plenty of worthwhile activities, interests to warrant a private social club of women who call Washington home.

Please note #2: For future reference, "Gate Crashers" will be politely turned away, along with any posse of camera crews. (By the way, why not boycott that couple on the upcoming show?)

Please note #3: please no men or cross dressers. Any like-minded males interested in a "friends of " affiliated group are welcome to contact.

Please note #4: If you were born in DC great, but if you have lived here more than 10 years, you are just as welcome. Also, if you were born in the District, but have since moved to nearby MD or VA- it's OK, too. Our grandparents would "roll over" if they knew what has happened re: real estate values/housing costs!

Cheers!

Another Voice From Washington: the Lighter Side

Hello, everyone! ( What may bring you here- please read on. There are cures for insomnia!)
At a professional writer friend's urging, I am venturing into this arena of blogging.
As most of us know, the economic times of the last few years has been influential in making career transitions/changes happen. Writing does take time. (Who doesn't know that?)

Hopefully, the name "Lady Liberty DC" will be appreciated as Washington does indeed have its own Lady Liberty. Little does "L L" realize, she lives in an increasing high cost of living area.
The city has its positive points and its negative ones, just like any other place on the planet.
If we think about it too hard: Ground Zero.
All kidding aside, the Capitol (Building)does looks great after its extensive restoration.

As a native Washingtonian, I can assure those not in the know: yes, there are native Washingtonians still in this capital city. Some of us go back several, if not more generations.
We know the city was built on what was basically a swamp. We grew up hearing how the British deemed our town "tropical climate in summer" since the 1920's.
We played host to any relatives, friends: enduring the lines of tourists long enough to make
a travel guide proud. Not complaining in the least. We (Washingtonians) claimed the original "hostess with the mostest" and will always enjoy that role as part of our everyday life.
There are no "off the beaten path" places we do not know about. Especially we single people.
(Nothing is worse than hearing from a first date what wonderful cheap date "venues" abound in DC. Please! What if we lived in London? Would you take someone to Hyde Park in the rain without an umbrella? Stay tuned.)
The "swamp" history puts all the jokes about snakes and slimy creatures on Capitol Hill in perspective. If you are old enough to know about the stripper in the fountain story, you are most likely from my parents' generation. (I'll try not to bore you.)
Most of us here "inside the Beltway" don't get a fair shake. Just another general observation.
For one thing, consider how much you would like driving if your first driver's ed expedition was during what used to be the a.m. rush hour (7 AM) on 495. I've dealt with it. We have to trade road trip stories in this region to stay safe on pavement-(both with & without "wheels)!
Dr. Gridlock you rock! (in the Washington Post).
Speaking of The Post, I thought it would make sense to take a page or two out of their paper.
This blog will address the lighter concerns of life here. One goal is to be a sort of purveyor of style (tips & observations), home & design (professional credentials at hand), and some wit, without trying too hard.
A sincerely concentrated effort will be made to not "pander" too much to my fellow single females here. It also should go without saying, I strive to be non-partisan in all things political, but what's the fun in that?
Thank you for reading this eclectic introduction.